The past month took on everything the first half of the year left behind. The burnout and self-doubt. I'm heading into September still not knowing much of anything, into a month that's always felt like a beginning of some kind, a season that turns inward and waits for change at once.
The days are getting shorter. Summer has loosened, and the cool has started to feel normal. There's a small grief in watching it go again, in seeing how little went the way I thought it would, in wondering whether what I wanted back in January still holds now that we're three-quarters through. So much has changed, and so much hasn't, and what's left is a kind of numbness, though I keep wanting to hope anyway. I go looking for somewhere to push from, in the small details, in the fragments. Things keep moving. It's just that when you're moving, it's easy to forget to stop and ask: am I saying what I mean? Do my actions match what I believe? Or has something quietly slipped out of place?
Sitting with that, I keep landing in the same spot. Change is the only constant. Knowing that doesn't make the friction any easier to sit in.
September leans toward the equinox. We take in what the last two seasons planted, and we start sorting. There's only so much any of us can hold, so we choose. That choosing is how we find our way back to ourselves, because it's usually somewhere in the middle of it that we drift the furthest.
"Choosing what to let go of is how we find our way back to ourselves."
(If you're new here, let me quickly introduce you to A Journey Through Light.
In short, it's an oracle deck I've been making, currently in design and production, and I plan to release it later this year or in early 2027. You can find a quick overview on my Instagram here. But I'll share the slower, behind-the-scenes version here.)
Not much moved on the design side in August. Most of it went into going back and forth with my designer and the printer over the cost and the details of the custom sample, so the timeline has slipped a little.
Publishing this myself means I have to work out every cost, plus the platform fees. There's more to keep track of than I expected. Keeping the quality where I want it, holding a margin that works, and not letting the cost decide the price on its own. That trade-off has been the hardest part.
Thank you for your patience. I'll keep you posted as AJTL comes together.
What did I learn last month?
Recap of August
Looking back at August, I noticed something I hadn't quite named while I was writing it. July was about catching the disguise. August turned out to be about not rushing what comes after.
Week 1 · The turning. A week spent facing a different direction each time, which from the outside looks like indecision. Underneath, it's a quick rotation through everything that might be true, testing each angle long enough to feel whether it fits. The turning settles when the inner one finally recognizes what it wants.
Week 2 · The preparing. One more thing worth knowing first, and looking it up feels like getting ready. The loop is hard to catch because it looks so responsible from the inside. Then weeks go by and nothing has moved.
Week 3 · The feeling. The reflex to reach for a prescription the moment something surfaces, as if sitting with it any longer meant something was wrong with you. Underneath is something simpler. These feelings were never welcome out in the world, so eventually you're afraid of them too.
The line I keep coming back to:
"Some questions only answer themselves once you're standing inside them."
All three are about the stage before the answer arrives, and all three say the same thing. Not knowing yet is not a problem to fix. In July I learned to name the disguises. August was learning that naming them is enough for now, and that the container which can hold you only grows once the judging quiets down.
A note from my own life. Working alone means there's no one to tell you whether a slow month was a slow month or a wasted one. August was full of turning, of preparing, of feelings I didn't want to sit with. It looked like very little from the outside. I'm learning to let that be true without adding a verdict to it.
Did any of August's reminders find you? Where in your life did you meet a similar version of this? I'd love to hear if you feel like writing back.
Once a month, I'll pull a card from A Journey Through Light and send it your way. The idea isn't to read it as a forecast. It's to use the image and the question as a soft prompt. Something to sit with, journal through, or just let stay open at the back of your mind for the week.
This card finds its way to you.
Before reading anything I write below, take a moment with the image itself.
Notice the colors first. Don't reach for meaning yet. Just notice what the image stirs in your body. Maybe it tightens something, maybe it softens something, maybe nothing happens at all. All of those are honest responses.
Then, when you're ready, sit with the question:
" What has been waiting inside you to be seen?"
You can carry this into a journal entry. You can hold it during a quiet walk. You can read it once and let it work on you without trying to answer it. There's no correct way to use it.
See you next month. ✨
Yian
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Your journey milestone!
A little something from this month.
Summer left, and little went as planned.
Choosing is how we find our way back.
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✨Each month, we design a new badge to carry that month's feeling.
Mail Club subscribers receive it as a physical sticker, sent with the monthly letter. One small piece at a time, your collection grows alongside the journey. （More info about the Mail Club will be announced on my Instagram! Stay tuned.)
My shop is open. A few works are up there if you'd like to take a look.
And I'm still gathering the waitlist for AJTL, in case you have not signed up yet :)
You can check the link below:
That's it for this month. Thank you for being here.
